Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
