I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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