we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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