so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
