maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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