Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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