how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
