Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
