You just made me feel so damn special
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
