We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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