I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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