I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
