He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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