y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
