I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
