Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
