I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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