My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
