remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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