He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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