I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
