grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
