America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Damn victory sex feels great
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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