How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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