Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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