I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize