VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
