You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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