Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
