i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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