Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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