can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
