normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
