After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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