My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
