you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize