miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
