Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
