You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
