this beer tastes like vomit already
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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