she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
