Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
