Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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