I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your dad touched me again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
