Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
