even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
