Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize