Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
