he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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