so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
