i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
