I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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