like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
