I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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