summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
