She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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