I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
time to smoke my breakfast
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
