omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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