I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
