I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
