I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
