Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize