Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
