look no pants
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
