after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize