im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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