So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
