in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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