Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
