So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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