i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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