I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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